Building Psychological Resilience (Without Undue Hardship)

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What’s The Worst That Could Happen?

When we talk about the five lifestyle factors that make the biggest difference to health, stress management would be a worthy addition as number six. We haven’t focused explicitly on that for a while, so let’s get ready to start the New Year on a good footing…

You’re not going to have a stress-free 2024

What a tender world that would be! Hopefully your stressors will be small and manageable, but rest assured, things will stress you.

And that’s key: “rest assured”. Know it now, prepare for it, and build resilience.

Sounds grim, doesn’t it? It doesn’t have to be, though.

When the forecast weather is cold and wet, you’re not afraid of it when you have a warm dry house. When the heating bill comes for that warm dry house, you’re not afraid of it when you have money to pay it. If you didn’t have the money and the warm dry house, the cold wet weather could be devastating to you.

The lesson here is: we can generally handle what we’re prepared for.

Negative visualization and the PNS

This is the opposite of what a lot of “think and grow rich”-style gurus would advise. And indeed, it’s not helpful to slide into anxious worrying.

If you do find yourself spiralling, here’s a tool for getting out of that spiral:

RAIN: an intervention for dealing with difficult emotions

For now, however, we’re going to practice Radical Acceptance.

First, some biology: you may be aware that your Central Nervous System (CNS) branches into the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) and the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS).

The PNS is the part that cues our body to relax, and suppresses our fight/flight response. We’re going to activate it.

Activating the PNS is easy for most people in comfortable circumstances (e.g., you are not currently exposed to stressful stimuli). It may well be activated already, and if it’s not, a few deep breaths is usually all it takes.

If you’d like a quick and easy Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) technique, here you go:

No-Frills, Evidence-Based Mindfulness

Activating the PNS is hard for most people in difficult circumstances (e.g., you either are currently exposed to stressful stimuli, or you are in one of the emotional spirals we discussed earlier).

However, we can trick our bodies and brains by—when we are safe and unstressed—practicing imagining those stressful stimuli. Taking a moment to not just imagine it experientially, but immersively. This, in CBT and DBT, is the modern equivalent to the old samurai who simply accepted, before battle, that they were already dead—and thus went into battle with zero fear of death.

A less drastic example is the zen master who had a favorite teacup, and feared it would get broken. So he would tell himself “the cup is already broken”. One day, it actually broke, and he simply smiled ruefully and said “Of course”.

How this ties together: practice the mindfulness-based stress reduction we linked above, while imagining the things that do/would stress you the most.

Since it’s just imagination, this is a little easier than when the thing is actually happening. Practicing this way means that when and if the thing actually happens (an unfortunate diagnosis, a financial reversal, whatever it may be), our CNS is already well-trained to respond to stress with a dose of PNS-induced calm.

You can also leverage hormesis, a beneficial aspect of (in this case, optional and chosen by you) acute stress:

Dr. Elissa Epel | The Stress Prescription

Psychological resilience training

This (learned!) ability to respond to stress in an adaptive fashion (without maladaptive coping strategies such as unhelpful behavioral reactivity and/or substance use) is a key part of what in psychology is called resilience:

Psychological resilience: an update on definitions, a critical appraisal, and research recommendations

And yes, the CBT/DBT/MBSR methods we’ve been giving you are the evidence-based gold standard.

Only the best for 10almonds subscribers! 😎

Road to resilience: a systematic review and meta-analysis of resilience training programmes and interventions

❝That was helpful, but not cheery; can we finish the year on a cheerier note?❞

We can indeed:

How To Get Your Brain On A More Positive Track (Without Toxic Positivity)

Take care!

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  • The Tiniest Seeds With The Most Value

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    If You’re Not Taking Chia, You’re Missing Out

    Last Tuesday, we wrote about nutritional psychiatry, and the benefits of eating for one’s mental health.

    You can check out Dr. Uma Naidoo’s to-dos, here:

    The 6 Pillars Of Nutritional Psychiatry

    In response, one of our subscribers wrote to mention:

    ❝Really interesting….just put chia seeds in my diet love them……taking the Drs advice.❞

    ~ Cindy, 10almonds subscriber

    And then! On Friday, our tip at the top of the newsletter was:

    Not sure how to incorporate chia seeds into your diet? It’s easier to want the benefits of their many brain-healthy (and otherwise-healthy, too) nutrients, than it is to know what to do with them necessarily, and not everyone enjoys seeds as a snack. So…

    When you cook rice, throw in a tablespoon of chia seeds too. The cooking process will soften them and they won’t be texturally any different than the rice, but the nutrients will be all there.

    They can also be thrown in with lentils, in the same fashion! Or oatmeal, when cooking it or making overnight oats.

    We’ll be honest, it was Cindy’s comment that prompted us to suggest it. But wait! There was more to come in response:

    ❝You had a teaser ..on Chia seed.would of liked a article on the benefits . I’ve just discovered Chia seeds…❞

    ~ Cindy, 10almonds subscriber

    So, Cindy, this one’s for you:

    Nutritional powerhouse

    First things first, these tiny seeds have a lot of nutrients. There are not many more nutrient-dense foods than this (there’s a kind of seaweed that might be a contender; we’ll have to do some research and get back to you).

    Check them out:

    USDA Nutritional Factsheet: Chia Seeds

    So much protein and healthy fat, so many vitamins and minerals, and so many miscellaneous other micronutrients that we’d be here all day to list them (which is why we linked the above factsheet instead).

    Antioxidants in abundance

    These deserve a special mention, because they include quercetin which we’ve written about previously:

    Fight Inflammation & Protect Your Brain, With Quercetin

    …as well as quite a collection of others (including chlorogenic acid and caffeic acid, which may sound alarming but are great for lowering your blood pressure and against inflammation, respectively):

    There are others too, with cardioprotective effects, liver-healthy effects, and anticancer properties:

    Nutritional and therapeutic perspectives of Chia (Salvia hispanica L.): a review

    Good for the heart and blood

    Check it out:

    Oh, and about diabetes? There’s more, this time pertaining to reducing after-dinner blood sugars (or “postpranidial glycemia”, in sciencese):

    Good for the brain

    Regular 10almonds readers will know that “what’s good for the blood, is good for the brain” is a very good rule of thumb already, but their highomega-3 content makes them especially so:

    What Omega-3 Fatty Acids Really Do For Us

    Want some?

    We don’t sell them, but you can probably find them in your local supermarket and/or health food store, and if you prefer getting things online, here for your convenience is an example product on Amazon

    Enjoy!

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  • Lucid Dreaming – by Stephen LaBerge Ph.D.

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    For any unfamiliar: lucid dreaming means being aware that one is dreaming, while dreaming, and exercising a degree of control over the dream. Superficially, this is fun. But if one really wants to go deeper into it, it can be a lot more:

    Dr. Stephen LaBerge takes a science-based approach to lucid dreaming, and in this work provides not only step-by-step instructions of several ways of inducing lucid dreaming, but also, opens the reader’s mind to things that can be done there beyond the merely recreational:

    In lucid dreams, he argues and illustrates, it’s possible to talk to parts of one’s own subconscious (Inception, anyone? Yes, this book came first) and get quite an amount of self-therapy done. And that hobby you wish you had more time to practice? The possibilities just became limitless. And who wouldn’t want that?

    Grab Your Bedtime Reading From Amazon Now!

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  • Tasty Tabbouleh with Tahini

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    Tabbouleh is a salad, but it’s not “just a salad”. It’s a special kind of salad that’s as exciting for the tastebuds as it is healthy for the body and brain. Its core ingredients have been traditional for about a dozen generations, and seasonings are always a personal matter (not to mention that Lebanese tabbouleh-makers centuries ago might not have used miso and nooch, as we will today), but the overall feel of the Gestalt of tabbouleh seasonings remains the same, and this recipe is true to that.

    You will need

    For the tabbouleh:

    • 1 cup bulgur wheat
    • 1 cup plum tomatoes, chopped
    • 1 cucumber, peeled and chopped (add the peel to a jug of water and put it in the fridge; this will be refreshing cucumber water later!)
    • 1 cup chickpeas, cooked without salt
    • 1/2 cup parsley, chopped
    • 1/2 cup mint, chopped
    • 2 spring onions, finely chopped
    • 2oz fresh lemon juice
    • 1 tsp white miso paste
    • 1 tsp garlic powder
    • 1 tsp ground cumin
    • 1 tsp ground celery seeds
    • 1 tsp ground nigella seeds
    • 1 tsp ground black pepper
    • 1 tsp MSG, or 1/2 tsp low sodium salt (you can find it in supermarkets, the sodium chloride is cut with potassium chloride to make it have less sodium and more potassium)
    • 1 tbsp nutritional yeast (nooch), ground (it comes in flakes; you will have to grind it in a spice grinder or with a pestle and mortar)

    For the tahini sauce:

    • 3 garlic cloves, crushed
    • 3 tbsp tahini
    • 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
    • 1 tbsp white miso paste
    • 1 tsp ground cumin

    To serve:

    • A generous helping of leafy greens; we recommend collard greens, but whatever works for you is good; just remember that dark green is best. Consider cavolo nero, or even kale if that’s your thing, but to be honest this writer doesn’t love kale
    • 1 tsp coarsely ground nigella seeds
    • Balsamic vinegar, ideally aged balsamic vinegar (this is thicker and sweeter, but unlike most balsamic vinegar reductions, doesn’t have added sugar).

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Rinse the bulgur wheat and then soak it in warm water. There is no need to boil it; the warm water is enough to soften it and you don’t need to cook it (bulgur wheat has already been parboiled before it got to you).

    2) While you wait, take a small bowl and mix the rest of the ingredients from the tabbouleh section (so, the lemon juice, miso paste, and all those ground spices and MSG/salt and ground nutritional yeast); you’re making a dressing out of all the ingredients here.

    3) When the bulgur wheat is soft (expect it to take under 15 minutes), drain it and put it in a big bowl. Add the tomatoes, cucumber, chickpeas, parsley, mint, and spring onions. This now technically qualifies as tabbouleh already, but we’re not done.

    4) Add the dressing to the tabbouleh and mix thoroughly but gently (you don’t want to squash the tomatoes, cucumber, etc). Leave it be for at least 15 minutes while the flavors blend.

    5) Take the “For the tahini sauce” ingredients (all of them) and blend them with 4 oz water, until smooth. You’re going to want to drizzle this sauce, so if the consistency is too thick for drizzling, add a little more water and/or lemon juice (per your preference), 1 tbsp at a time.

    6) Roughly chop the leafy greens and put them in a bowl big enough for the tabbouleh to join them there. The greens will serve as a bed for the tabbouleh itself.

    7) Drizzle the tahini over the tabbouleh, and drizzle a little of the aged balsamic vinegar too.

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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Related Posts

  • Managing Jealousy
  • Spiced Fruit & Nut Chutney

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    ‘Tis the season to make the chutney that will then be aged chutney when you want it later! And unlike supermarket varieties with their ingredients list that goes “Sugar, spirit vinegar, inverted glucose-fructose syrup,” this one has an array of health-giving fruits and nuts (just omit the nuts if you or someone you may want to give this to has an allergy), and really nothing bad in here at all. And of course, tasty healthful spices!

    You will need

    • 2 red onions, chopped
    • 1½ cups dried apricots, chopped
    • 1½ cups dried figs, chopped
    • 1 cup raisins
    • ½ cup apple cider vinegar
    • ½ cup slivered almonds
    • ½ lime, chopped and deseeded
    • ¼ bulb garlic, chopped
    • 1 hot pepper, chopped (your choice what kind; omit if you don’t like heat at all; multiply if you want more heat)
    • 2 tablespoons honey or maple syrup (omit for a less sweet chutney; there is sweetness in the dried fruits already, after all)
    • 1 tbsp freshly grated ginger
    • 2 tsp sweet cinnamon
    • 1 tsp nutmeg
    • 1 tsp black pepper
    • ½ teaspoon allspice
    • ½ MSG or 1 tsp low-sodium salt
    • Extra virgin olive oil

    Method

    (we suggest you read everything at least once before doing anything)

    1) Heat some oil in a heavy-based pan that will be large enough for all ingredients to go into eventually. Fry the onions on a gentle heat for around 15 minutes. We don’t need to caramelize them yet (this will happen with time), but we do want them soft and sweet already.

    2) Add the ginger, garlic, and chili, and stir in well.

    3) When the onions start to brown, add the fruit and stir well to mix thoroughly.

    4) Add the honey or maple syrup (if using), and the vinegar; add the remaining spices/seasonings, so everything is in there now except the almonds.

    5) Cook gently for another 30 minutes while stirring. At some point it’ll become thick and sticky; add a little water as necessary. You don’t want to drown it, but you do want it to stay moist. It’ll probably take only a few tablespoons of added water in total, but add them one at a time and stir in before judging whether more is needed. By the end of the 30 minutes, it should be more solid, to the point it can stand up by itself.

    6) Add the almonds, stir to combine, and leave to cool. Put it in jars until you need it (or perhaps give it as gifts).

    Alternative method: if you don’t want to be standing at a stove stirring for about an hour in total, you can use a slow cooker / crock pot instead. Put the same ingredients in the same order, but don’t stir them, just leave them in layers (this is because of the pattern of heat distribution; it’ll be hotter at the bottom, so the things that need to be more cooked should be there, and the design means they won’t burn) for about two hours, then stir well to mix thoroughly, and leave it for another hour or two, before turning it off to let it cool. Put it in jars until you need it (or perhaps give it as gifts).

    Enjoy!

    Want to learn more?

    For those interested in some of the science of what we have going on today:

    Take care!

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  • Do We Simply Not Care About Old People?

    10almonds is reader-supported. We may, at no cost to you, receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article.

    The covid-19 pandemic would be a wake-up call for America, advocates for the elderly predicted: incontrovertible proof that the nation wasn’t doing enough to care for vulnerable older adults.

    The death toll was shocking, as were reports of chaos in nursing homes and seniors suffering from isolation, depression, untreated illness, and neglect. Around 900,000 older adults have died of covid-19 to date, accounting for 3 of every 4 Americans who have perished in the pandemic.

    But decisive actions that advocates had hoped for haven’t materialized. Today, most people — and government officials — appear to accept covid as a part of ordinary life. Many seniors at high risk aren’t getting antiviral therapies for covid, and most older adults in nursing homes aren’t getting updated vaccines. Efforts to strengthen care quality in nursing homes and assisted living centers have stalled amid debate over costs and the availability of staff. And only a small percentage of people are masking or taking other precautions in public despite a new wave of covid, flu, and respiratory syncytial virus infections hospitalizing and killing seniors.

    In the last week of 2023 and the first two weeks of 2024 alone, 4,810 people 65 and older lost their lives to covid — a group that would fill more than 10 large airliners — according to data provided by the CDC. But the alarm that would attend plane crashes is notably absent. (During the same period, the flu killed an additional 1,201 seniors, and RSV killed 126.)

    “It boggles my mind that there isn’t more outrage,” said Alice Bonner, 66, senior adviser for aging at the Institute for Healthcare Improvement. “I’m at the point where I want to say, ‘What the heck? Why aren’t people responding and doing more for older adults?’”

    It’s a good question. Do we simply not care?

    I put this big-picture question, which rarely gets asked amid debates over budgets and policies, to health care professionals, researchers, and policymakers who are older themselves and have spent many years working in the aging field. Here are some of their responses.

    The pandemic made things worse. Prejudice against older adults is nothing new, but “it feels more intense, more hostile” now than previously, said Karl Pillemer, 69, a professor of psychology and gerontology at Cornell University.

    “I think the pandemic helped reinforce images of older people as sick, frail, and isolated — as people who aren’t like the rest of us,” he said. “And human nature being what it is, we tend to like people who are similar to us and be less well disposed to ‘the others.’”

    “A lot of us felt isolated and threatened during the pandemic. It made us sit there and think, ‘What I really care about is protecting myself, my wife, my brother, my kids, and screw everybody else,’” said W. Andrew Achenbaum, 76, the author of nine books on aging and a professor emeritus at Texas Medical Center in Houston.

    In an environment of “us against them,” where everybody wants to blame somebody, Achenbaum continued, “who’s expendable? Older people who aren’t seen as productive, who consume resources believed to be in short supply. It’s really hard to give old people their due when you’re terrified about your own existence.”

    Although covid continues to circulate, disproportionately affecting older adults, “people now think the crisis is over, and we have a deep desire to return to normal,” said Edwin Walker, 67, who leads the Administration on Aging at the Department of Health and Human Services. He spoke as an individual, not a government representative.

    The upshot is “we didn’t learn the lessons we should have,” and the ageism that surfaced during the pandemic hasn’t abated, he observed.

    Ageism is pervasive. “Everyone loves their own parents. But as a society, we don’t value older adults or the people who care for them,” said Robert Kramer, 74, co-founder and strategic adviser at the National Investment Center for Seniors Housing & Care.

    Kramer thinks boomers are reaping what they have sown. “We have chased youth and glorified youth. When you spend billions of dollars trying to stay young, look young, act young, you build in an automatic fear and prejudice of the opposite.”

    Combine the fear of diminishment, decline, and death that can accompany growing older with the trauma and fear that arose during the pandemic, and “I think covid has pushed us back in whatever progress we were making in addressing the needs of our rapidly aging society. It has further stigmatized aging,” said John Rowe, 79, professor of health policy and aging at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health.

    “The message to older adults is: ‘Your time has passed, give up your seat at the table, stop consuming resources, fall in line,’” said Anne Montgomery, 65, a health policy expert at the National Committee to Preserve Social Security and Medicare. She believes, however, that baby boomers can “rewrite and flip that script if we want to and if we work to change systems that embody the values of a deeply ageist society.”

    Integration, not separation, is needed. The best way to overcome stigma is “to get to know the people you are stigmatizing,” said G. Allen Power, 70, a geriatrician and the chair in aging and dementia innovation at the Schlegel-University of Waterloo Research Institute for Aging in Canada. “But we separate ourselves from older people so we don’t have to think about our own aging and our own mortality.”

    The solution: “We have to find ways to better integrate older adults in the community as opposed to moving them to campuses where they are apart from the rest of us,” Power said. “We need to stop seeing older people only through the lens of what services they might need and think instead of all they have to offer society.”

    That point is a core precept of the National Academy of Medicine’s 2022 report Global Roadmap for Healthy Longevity. Older people are a “natural resource” who “make substantial contributions to their families and communities,” the report’s authors write in introducing their findings.

    Those contributions include financial support to families, caregiving assistance, volunteering, and ongoing participation in the workforce, among other things.

    “When older people thrive, all people thrive,” the report concludes.

    Future generations will get their turn. That’s a message Kramer conveys in classes he teaches at the University of Southern California, Cornell, and other institutions. “You have far more at stake in changing the way we approach aging than I do,” he tells his students. “You are far more likely, statistically, to live past 100 than I am. If you don’t change society’s attitudes about aging, you will be condemned to lead the last third of your life in social, economic, and cultural irrelevance.”

    As for himself and the baby boom generation, Kramer thinks it’s “too late” to effect the meaningful changes he hopes the future will bring.

    “I suspect things for people in my generation could get a lot worse in the years ahead,” Pillemer said. “People are greatly underestimating what the cost of caring for the older population is going to be over the next 10 to 20 years, and I think that’s going to cause increased conflict.”

    KFF Health News is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues and is one of the core operating programs at KFF—an independent source of health policy research, polling, and journalism. Learn more about KFF.

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    Subscribe to KFF Health News’ free Morning Briefing.

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  • Procrastination, and how to pay off the to-do list debt

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    Procrastination, and how pay off the to-do list debt

    Sometimes we procrastinate because we feel overwhelmed by the mountain of things we are supposed to be doing. If you look at your to-do list and it shows 60 overdue items, it’s little wonder if you want to bury your head in the sand!

    “What difference does it make if I do one of these things now; I will still have 59 which feels as bad as having 60”

    So, treat it like you might a financial debt, and make a repayment plan. Now, instead of 60 overdue items today, you have 1/day for the next 60 days, or 2/day for the next 30 days, or 3/day for the next 20 days, etc. Obviously, you may need to work out whether some are greater temporal priorities and if so, bump those to the top of the list. But don’t sweat the minutiae; your list doesn’t have to be perfectly ordered, just broadly have more urgent things to the top and less urgent things to the bottom.

    Note: this repayment plan means having set repayment dates.

    Up front, sit down and assign each item a specific calendar date on which you will do that thing.

    This is not a deadline! It is your schedule. You’ll not try to do it sooner, and you won’t postpone it for later. You will just do that item on that date.

    A productivity app like ToDoist can help with this, but paper is fine too.

    What’s important here, psychologically, is that each day you’re looking not at 60 things and doing the top item; you’re just looking at today’s item (only!) and doing it.

    Debt Reduction/Cancellation

    Much like you might manage a financial debt, you can also look to see if any of your debts could be reduced or cancelled.

    We wrote previously about the “Getting Things Done” system. It’s a very good system if you want to do that; if not, no worries, but you might at least want to borrow this one idea….

    Sort your items into:

    Do / Defer / Delegate / Ditch

    • Do: if it can be done in under 2 minutes, do it now.
    • Defer: defer the item to a specific calendar date (per the repayment plan idea we just talked about)
    • Delegate: could this item be done by someone else? Get it off your plate if you reasonably can.
    • Ditch: sometimes, it’s ok to realize “you know what, this isn’t that important to me anymore” and scratch it from the list.

    As a last resort, consider declaring bankruptcy

    Towards the end of the dot-com boom, there was a fellow who unintentionally got his 5 minutes of viral fame for “declaring email bankruptcy”.

    Basically, he publicly declared that his email backlog had got so far out of hand that he would now not reply to emails from before the declaration.

    He pledged to keep on top of new emails only from that point onwards; a fresh start.

    We can’t comment on whether he then did, but if you need a fresh start, that can be one way to get it!

    In closing…

    Procrastination is not usually a matter of laziness, it’s usually a matter of overwhelm. Hopefully the above approach will help reframe things, and make things more manageable.

    Sometimes procrastination is a matter of perfectionism, and not starting on tasks because we worry we won’t do them well enough, and so we get stuck in a pseudo-preparation rut. If that’s the case, our previous main feature on perfectionism may help:

    Perfectionism, And How To Make Yours Work For You

    Don’t Forget…

    Did you arrive here from our newsletter? Don’t forget to return to the email to continue learning!

    Learn to Age Gracefully

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